Erg. things lately. actually no- things for a long long time- I've just been ignorant as to how bad they've been until now.
I've had it pretty good. So good that I've probably taken my peaceful happy world for granted far too long, and just been happy on cruise control. Now things are rough, and I didn't see it coming, and I don't seem to have the tools to deal with things. I think fondly of Erin who used to love to tell me that anything resembling emotional insight just richocheted off my forehead without penetrating. Her words were invariably accompanied by her fist hitting her forehead and taking off along another vector.
I am longing for the simplicity of a long bike ride through woods and pine needles, with a dog running beside me. Yesterday at lunch I raced off to the woods for a bike ride among trees and pine needles. My bike brakes made scraping noises, reflecting the missing caliper bolt and washers, and I heard an unhappy sound from the bottom bracket. I thought how this was basically my life these days- nothing but a badly tuned machine lurching noisily through obstacles. I didn't even crash, which at least would have had the virtue of offering a little fun-juice to the ride.
I'm sitting here, basically pretending I'm alright when I'm clearly not, and when it overwhelms me, I go hide in the bathroom until I settle down again. So if you come looking and can't find me, that's where I'll be.
