We are back in our silver home now, and all glad to be back. The time at Bob's was really good, but it's always nice to have your own space back.
Last week was a busy work-week, and this week promises more of the same. After putting in the work last fall to better understand our target market, our products and services, and how to bring it to market- We are going through the same process again, but 8 months wiser, and we have some big ideas to refine, try out and revise again. The next couple of months are going to be intense - in a very good way.
Today's supposed to get to 10 degrees out there- I am so happy to see this sunshine again, and to have windows open. It's the relentless machinery of life- no matter how hard things are- there is always another beautiful day around the corner, fresh spring air to draw in, and the promise of new life. You reconcile the struggles of the heart with the truths of each new morning.
The last time I wrote about Dallas, things were pretty bad, but there were new drugs left to try. We put her on 2 new drugs: a hypo-thyroid drug, and a new pain-med, and these have caused a harsh, negative spiral. We've been on 24 hour watch as Dallas has gone through vomiting and total loss of bowel control. We are 5 days into it, and we are putting a stop to it now before it kills her. It's so sad to watch, and Dallas gets into a panic when she realizes what's happening, and she's thrashing to get out, but can't move… Hard, hard, hard to watch. We lay her on one side, and she is paralyzed. On the other side, her shoulder is more strained each day. I sleep next to her now, trying everything to get her comfortable, or to help her get outside in time.
You know it's bad when you can't get a Golden Retriever to eat, and it's all we can do to coax her to eat anything. Forget about dog-food, she's rejecting rice, noodles, eggs, cheese… she will even reject rotisserie chicken, bought as a last resort. But sometimes her brain forgets what her stomach and bowels tell her, and when she first smells the chicken, she gobbles. It makes us smile to watch her realize belatedly that she really didn't want to eat that after all. : ) We are getting just enough food and water into her to keep body and soul together, but we're stopping that new pain med now.
On Monday, we return to the all-knowing vet, explain where things are at, and have to ask for the drug they ominously warn us, "is only a very last resort." At this point, it's the last resort or nothing. She can't go on as things are. It's just heart-wrench and tears for us these days. It's emotionally brutal to learn just where love and mercy must finally join, and action must at last be taken. We know it's coming very soon, and we are stealing ourselves for it. And we go through our days with hearts all caved in, and great emptiness spreading around us like a darkness closing on us.
If you are the praying type, now is the time to send us your prayers.
